TIRED

This was a post I made on this day a year ago, and I still feel the same.

Ok here we go, sighing 😥, it amazes me that people steady be complaining about BS. Life is to short to always be worried about somebody else business and what they doing. I would trade all of your SO CALLED problems and let you have mines. You can have the body aches, the loosing of my hair, the not being able to eat for days, the barely can walk at times. I have been told the chemo I'm taking is not working so I'm taking new meds and when I tell you these pains are pains I never felt before. Now I can relate to the elderly when they say their bones ache. I have to get these legs to moving better than they have been. The nausea is not good either at this stage in my treatments and all I can ask for is that you continue to pray for me and family, I know this is a lot on them as well. But I made a promise that I will NEVER give up and I promise I will CONTINUE to fight, as long as you all continue to pray for me.

In the words of my Grandma "my tired is tired" #endallCANcer#divawithadiagnosis #faitingit #childofgod #metastaticovarianCANcer#CANcersux #shun4CANcer0

What Cancer CANNOT do

Hi Everyone,

I have been thinking lately about the struggle cancer patients have with not letting their cancer define them. I am particularly focused on this dilemma now, as I spend time and share love with my Sherri, who is in the end stage of Glioblastoma. Throughout her illness, Sherri has demonstrated bravery, positivity, and hope. She has not let her cancer dictate who she is, though the illness has taken so much from her, and has changed his entire daily life experience. 

Though Sherri is bed-ridden, weak, and in pain, she will not let her cancer have power over her. When she can summon the energy to speak, it is to share a joke, or reminisce about so many wonderful memories she had.

I have taken my cue from my friend, staring cancer in the face and putting it in its place. It is something I have to work at. I call up my friends attitudes and battles, trying to somehow absorb their bravery, strength, outlook, and sense of power, no matter what their cancers have thrown at them.

Below is a writing I have hanging next to my computer. I read it every day – sometimes several times a day. It reminds me of the lessons my friend have taught me. You are not your cancer. You are so much more. Celebrate all that you have and are, and let cancer know who’s in charge.

‘Til next time,

         “What Cancer Cannot Do”

Cancer is so limited…

It cannot cripple love.

It cannot shatter hope.

It cannot corrode faith.

It cannot eat away peace.

It cannot destroy confidence.

It cannot kill friendship.

It cannot shut out memories.

It cannot silence courage.

It cannot reduce eternal life.

It cannot quench the Spirit.

         Author: Unknown

3 Reminders For The Start of A New Year

The beginning of New Year’s Resolutions and setting goals. But what do you do when cancer is on the calendar? How do you pick up the pieces of a life turned upside down? As a survivor, I found myself reflecting on the lessons that cancer taught me—vital lessons—that need to be remembered.

1. Time is Limited. For Everyone.

We all know that we are mortal and we don't have forever on this earth. Don't we? In the back of our minds, we know this, but cancer thrusts that knowledge smack dab between our eyes and we are forced to stare that reality in the face.

At first, the thought can be paralyzing, shutting a person down, but there is freedom in embracing the limits of time and making the most of the gift we have been given.

As,a four-time cancer survivor, who faces chemo for the rest of my life I say, "I don't think too much about the long-term future other than that I want to still be here to enjoy it. I am happy if I wake up on this side of the dirt. I focus on what I can do and don’t worry about what I can no longer do."

Others use the diagnosis of limited time to spring them into action. In the book, Dancing with Limbo: Making Sense of Life After Cancer, Jeanette, a lung cancer survivor in her 80's said, "You don't have time to waste…When you're alive and well and kicking...Don't wait. I mean, it's not like...you're immortal."

My response to limited time was to begin blogging about my journey and helping others along theirs.....

2. Relax. It's Okay to Waste Time.

Wait a minute! What do you mean it's okay to waste time? Didn't you just say there is no time to waste?

Yes, I did....... 

As a hardworking Southern country girl, who was raised by a grandmother who never sat down except to eat dinner, and who preferred the control of a detailed list, one of the biggest lessons I learned from being diagnosed was that time is a wonderful commodity to waste. The world is not going to fall apart if I take some time off.

To leave the running of the universe in the hands of God and to take time for family and friends is a lesson I don't want to lose. One of the first things that goes on my calendar is time for family and things I enjoy....

Sunya, a caregiver, states, "Tell the person you love them. Eat the pizza. I am still a 'planner' to the end, but now I make a concerted effort to 'plan' to enjoy whatever time I and my loved ones share together."

3. Focus on Purpose Over Calendar.

Facing the boundaries of time and loosening our grip of control in order to relax and enjoy life allows us to fully live in the face of a precarious future and our own mortality. Once we let go of what we can't control—denying death and knowing the future—we can focus our energy on making decisions that have to do with purpose and what matters most.

Why was I put on this earth? This question is a query worth investigating and delving into, because that question has an answer, no matter the length of our days.

I believe we were put on this earth for a purpose. A good purpose. Cancer does not have the power to rob us of being kind. Of doing good. Of pouring our lives (even a shortened life) into things that matter. 

What about you? 

How has your diagnosis affected how you look at goal setting? What do you feel is your life purpose? Share in the comments below.

Bad Things Happen To Good People!!!

Well, the roller coaster hit the high and is heading down for a brief moment, hopefully only a moment.  I've been asking myself why bad things happen to good people?

It's horrible that all of this has happened to so many of us.  These illnesses that are beyond our control and sometimes unstoppable.

But, as a Christian, I believe that this life on earth is only the land of shadows, and real eternal life has yet to begin.  The end is really our beginning.  This doesn't make things easier on our loved ones, or even ourselves when we think of people we are leaving behind.  I'm not necessarily speaking about myself here, because I'm doing okay for now with my treatment I'm praying.

I think a lot of suffering is a test to our faith in God.  Faith doesn't always mean you will live or things will go the way you planned.  It means that you believe He knows what He is doing.  There is a reason for all that will happen.  It doesn't mean we have to be happy about it, but we can do the best we can to accept it.  Life can change so quickly, I can't emphasize that enough.  Please don't worry about the little things and tell your loved ones how much they are loved every day.  You never know when it may be your last.

Please remember the following people in your prayers:  Marla Jones, Coqueace "Koco" Powell, Yolanda "Miss Cotton" Bennett, Cyn Fox, Sonia Moore, Shawnee Lewis, Tonya Broyles, Korri Fields, Karri Lemon, Fusha Roberts, Tasha Flo, Danielle Taylor, Rolando Tate, and also many I forgot to name.They still all have their own battles.

Please pray for the strength and peace for Ana-Alecia Ayala family right now, she was such an inspiration and the real definition of a FIGHTER, WARRIOR, and SHERO,  she has gained her wings. Heaven now has another angel to watch over us. Please see Ana-Alecia Ayala Legacy Fund  to find out more information.

Thank you all for your continued support and prayers throughout my journey too. I still have my faith and continue to believe that all of this is part of God's plan for me, wherever that may take me.  We all have our trials and tribulations, but are never alone, even in our darkest hour.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Caregivers

It's been a couple of days since my last post, but something has been weighing on my mind lately.

Sometimes, us cancer patients get so wrapped up in our journey, that we forget how hard it is on the people that care about us.  I'm going to use my children as an example, because they have been my rocks, yet watching them see their mother go through so much has to be the most awful thing in the world.  To me, I would rather go through this myself than have them go through it, both emotionally and physically.  So the toll it has to take on them is indescribable. 

You see, I know where I'm going one day.  I know that day may be sooner than them, but with all the new drugs coming out, it may very well be later.  But, I know we are all going to the same place, HOME.  That, in itself, is comforting.  Royce & Alexis have a great love for each other and loves one another more than the world, that gives me more peace, they will be safe and taken care of by each other, they have a bond like one never seen before by a brother and sister.

Sometimes, you don't think about these things when life is going well.  But when it takes a turn for the worse, it can consume you if you don't have your religion and your support system in place. 

I feel like right now, my kids need prayers.  I know Royce, Lex, my mom, my dad, sisters, brothers, and my other close friends need prayer too.  But, as a mother myself, I feel like it's different.  Plus, so far we have lost many family members. Lex is a senior in high school and have dreams of going to college and becoming part of the medical field.  Compile that on with the stress of having a mother with stage 4  Ovarian Cancer and it's a recipe for disaster.  I don't know how she holds it together so well, but she does. 

I do know that they love me more than anything, even when I'm fussing.  It's different now.  Cancer has done some good for us.  We communicate so much better.  And we don't take our time together for granted.  We forgive easily.

As much as cancer sucks, from now on, I'm going to try and point out one positive thing it brought into my life by the grace of God.  And in this post, that positive thing is the relationship I have with my children that has brought us closer than ever. "My 2 Piece"  I'm so blessed to have been given such a dysfunctional, yet loving, funny, charismatic family.  We all group text....making each other laugh and we are all so much closer even though our physical distance is so much greater.  So for that cancer, I thank you,  But, the rest of you still sucks until I point out another positive on my next post, lol.

So, next time you're saying your prayers, please pray for peace for my kids.  I plan on being here for as long as God allows.  And I'm going to be happy doing it because every day is a gift, even the ones where I binge watch TV all day and do nothing...because I enjoy those things.  I've had a great life so far.  I have no regrets. And Royce & Lex, if you're reading this, I couldn't have been the way I am in this fight without you both being by my side every step of the way.  Now, we just need to figure out where we going on a family trip.  And I love you both so much.  Thank you, my babies, my 2 piece 'I'm the pepper", lol, 

Thank you all for your continuous support and prayers.  Please pray for all of the caregivers out there.  I think this journey is harder on them than it is us.

What about you?

How has your caregiver affected you through this journey?

Live Like You Are Dying!!!!

Tim McGraw knew what he was doing when he wrote that song. It's something we should all do.  If you've never heard it, I encourage you to do so. I guess the majority of our population do not think about things like this because they've never had that moment. That one moment. That moment when time stops and you realize, this could be it, this could be the real end. What in the world have I been doing with my life? Working? Stressing?

The thing is, there is so much I want to do and experience while I am able and feel good enough to do it. I've seen so many people that have been diagnosed with various of illnesses decline, quite frankly, in all honesty, this girl is scared. Everyone tells me, "you're going to beat this", I appreciate the sentiments, I really do. It's just that, I don't know I'll beat it. There are two places I can be fine. I will be fine no matter what happens.

So, my dilemma right now is not which medical trail to enroll in or what medications to take. My dilemma is to do what I want to accomplish before I'm put in a wheelchair, in the hospital or on an oxygen tank, I want to go places and see things. I want to ride in one of those airplanes that actually give you a bed (Delta) and go to Europe. I want to see Venice, see Buckingham Palace in London and try to make a guard laugh. I know it sounds silly. I should be worried about staying alive and researching and how each scan will turn out. But quite frankly my boo's, I don't give a damn right now. I want to do so much, but it's all "just in case". I don't want to be so sick I can't enjoy my bucket list. By then, I won't even feel like doing that.

I have had a wonderful life so far, I can't complain. I've been many places and experienced many things. So, if none of those bucket items come true, I'll be okay. As long as I have my family. We can just go to Vegas and probably do all of those things AND see some pyramids AND Elvis. This living in limbo just sucks. It sucks so bad. I feel bad complaining because of all of the friends I have that are worse off, but I couldn't sleep so I decided to just come on out with it. So, there it is. I want a bed on a plane!

Thank you all for your continuous prayers for me and my family. It was days that I didn't think I was going to see the New Year, so most of all thank you God for getting me here. I'm not losing my faith, I'm planning my life with your guidance. God bless you all!!

Happy New Year and thank you for continuing to read my blogs. It's a roller coaster.....but it's worth the ride.

How are you living like you are dying, please comment below!!!!

Weekly Health Letter "Cervical Cancer"

Please click link below


Weekly Health Letter "Cervical Cancer"

How it All Began

My name is Shantrall Johnson.  I am a mother, a daughter, a sister and a friend. But most importantly, I am a SURVIVOR. Over the past decade, I have had four victories over Metastatic Ovarian Cancer and planning to kick its butt a fifth time as I currently undergo treatments. One thing I hope you learn from my testimony is: Listen to your instincts and don’t let your concerns be dismissed. You know your body better than anyone so keep pushing and asking questions until you get answers.

My body was trying to tell me something. I was 26 with two children and a good life ahead of me. For several months, I’d had severe stomach problems, bloating and pain when using the restroom. I saw various doctors who all sent me away with a prescriptions and the assurance that it’s “no big deal.” The symptoms started to worsen and became unbearable. A trip to the ER revealed an outcome I could have never imagined. I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.

My first bout with cancer was “easy.” I underwent laparoscopic surgery to remove small tumors from one of my ovaries and escaped radiation and chemotherapy. My doctor said I was “cancer free” and I felt invincible. This victory was short-lived, as over the next few years it would come back in my other ovary (I got a hysterectomy) and again in my intestines (surgery got it all out).

Several years passed. And my three bouts with cancer had changed my perspective a lot. I was determined to live life to the fullest. In August 2012, I got news that my cancer was back in my abdomen but this time I would have to undergo chemotherapy. For some reason, taking chemo and losing my hair finally made cancer real to me. I was told to “get my affairs in order” because the survival rate was less than two years. But cancer couldn’t compete with my God or my praying grandmother. After six rounds of chemo/radiation, I went into remission January 2013. This is when my faith kicked into full gear.

Two years later, cancer showed up in my lungs. Initially, I was diagnosed with bronchitis. After it had gone on for three months, I went to my oncologist and learned that the tumors were wrapped around my left lung and fluid was building up. I have stage 4 Metastatic Ovarian Cancer. I prayed non-stop for God to order my steps on the long road ahead.   I am currently undergoing chemotherapy, and have good days and bad. Cancer is a chronic illness. I will take chemo off and on for the rest of my life. I plan on living for many, many more years. Thanks to my village, I am doing well. I am a firm believer in “everything happens for a reason.” God blessed me with children at a very young age because he knew I would not be able to have them at 26. He also blessed me with challenges and victories so that I can share my testimony with others.

  I can remember being awake for 48 hours straight at one point.  So one sleepless night as I was pondering my life, the plans I had for my future and the detour I had encountered, it came to me:  Maybe I am suppose to create something that (maybe, just maybe) might bring healing, that will allow others to relate in a way that they , too, need healing.  By the next morning, Diva with a Diagnosis was in motion.  Initially, Diva with a Diagnosis was going to be a blog about my walk on this journey.  But as I grew on my journey and have spoken to others that have been diagnosed with all kinds of illnesses, I saw a greater need. As survivors we understand the need to celebrate every day. We understand one another in a way no one else can.

Being diagnosed was an eye-opener to say the least.  I now understand what it means to take care of my body and to LIVE each day.  It is important for me to  work towards a healthier lifestyle and surround myself with people who lift me up.  Before being diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer, I had heard very little of it.  Ovarian Cancer is often called the “SILENT” killer because many times there are no symptoms until the disease has progressed to an advanced stage.  One-third of American women will get some form of Cancer in their lifetime and approximately one and one half percent of those cases will be cancer involving one or both ovaries.  Why isn’t’ this talked about more?  Why is there not a screening test available? I, like many others, thought a Pap smear covered everything.  The truth is: it doesn’t. Early symptoms of Ovarian Cancer are often mild, making this disease difficult to detect.  Some early symptoms may include:

•An unusual feeling of fullness or discomfort in the pelvic region

•Unexplainable indigestion, gas, or bloating that is not relieved with over-the- counter antacids.

•Pain during sexual intercourse

•Abnormal bleeding

•Swelling and pain of the abdomen

    Most often these symptoms do not indicate Ovarian Cancer.  However,  if you experience them you should discuss them with your doctor.  Early detection of Ovarian Cancer offers a 90% cure rate.  Sadly, a lack of symptoms from this silent disease means about 75% of Ovarian Cancer cases will have spread to the abdomen by the time they are detected and, unfortunately, most patients die within five years. 

                   I celebrate my life because I have worked hard for it……….

About Us

The mission of Diva With A Diagnosis is to raise awareness and encourage women and men to join the fight against  all diagnosis.  It's our hope that by educating others we are contributing to preventing someone from being misdiagnosed and helping find a cure.  We will also celebrate victories, honor memories, empower all and educate the community of all various diagnosis.

Our purpose is simple: CELEBRATE LIFE! We celebrate life together and individually! Many of us were misdiagnosed many times before we were properly diagnosed.  We pledge to be pro-active in maintaining our health, and also pledge this not only for ourselves but also for those who are yet to be diagnosed and honor the legacy of the sisters we've lost.  We are all Diva's With A Diagnosis!

Never JUDGE a book by it's cover!!!!!

You don't know what it took someone to get out of bed, look and feel as presentable as possible and face the day. You never truly know the daily struggle of others. We are all fighting some battle so don't be so quick to JUDGE!!!!

Please share to make someone's day!!

Step out of your comfort zone

Start, Stop, Continue

Start, Stop, Continue 

While many people are in the implementation phase of their New Year’s resolutions, I’m pleased to say that I’m not. This year I’ve opted to do a Start, Stop, and Continue list compared to doing a vision board or list of resolutions. I’m doing this because I didn’t want a list of new goals to accomplish, but one that’s comprehensive of the good and bad habits I want to carry over.

Last year was a roller coast where many prayers were answered and a lot of change happen in both good and bad ways. Overall, I feel that God used 2016 to get me back on track (since I’ve been off my game) so I’m ready for what is to come. I don’t want 2017 to be where I forget where I’ve been and only focus on where I want to go, but to carry over the good mindset and habits that I adopted. Plus leave some behaviors in the past.

This is what I plan to Start, Stop, and Continue in 2017:

Start:

Stepping out my comfort zone and trusting where God is taking me.

Living in the present and recognizing the blessings that I already have and the good to come.

Being selective in who I decide to let in my inner space. Remember who you are and that you deserve the best.

Stop:

Putting my dreams and desires off because of excuses and fear.

Not staying in touch with people and making an effort to communicate regularly.

Holding on to past and mourning the things that are no longer there.

Continue:

Seeing the good in people and believing in the best.

Seeking a relationship with Jesus and learning more about my faith.

To remember who you are and who’s you are. Never compromise what I know to be true.

Who want to join me and make a list? What do you want to stop, start, continue this year?

Step Out on Faith

Step Out On Faith

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” Sounds easier said than done, but recently I was faced with choosing between either faith or fear. The question I had to ask myself is do I trust God enough to keep going even when I don’t believe in myself or where things are ahead?

To raise awareness for Ovarian Cancer and get people talking about it, I took the initiative to write a blog about it.  I wanted to raise awareness, but more importantly I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it after being so fatigued after chemo, and I needed to release all the emotions I had held onto while undergoing treatments to stay strong for my family and friends.  I had been told when the time was right I would let those emotions go.  Well the time came one night and I submitted to God and I let it all go.  When I was weak, depressed, cold, lonely, and felt defeated, I asked God for strength and guidance.  When I did that, my grandmother popped in my head, the thought of her and all the survivors that I had met, those who I may never meet, and those looking down on me.  Peace and determination came to me and I thought: I had poison running through my veins and every bit of my normal was taken from me…. This disease will not defeat me.  I celebrate my life because I have worked hard for it.  I’m taking a Step Out on Faith and pushing pass my comfort level to reach out and help others fight this fight.

Isiah 41:10 “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Faith is believing in all things, not just in the parts that we understand or comfortable with. In order to see where He’s taking us we have to put our trust in Him because He will never leave us. He has a plan and would not ask us to do something that would not benefit us in some way. So we have to step out on faith.

Our Goal

My goal with this blog is to try to help others. If I can achieve that, even in the smallest way, my wish is granted and I'm rewarded with joy. I want to give back, please take, this is all for you! This blog will guide you through my journey with my diagnosis along with others and theirs. I will tell you how I felt and what I did. One important rule to keep in mind is that when it comes to any diagnosis, one size DO NOT fit all.

 My diagnosis with CANcer is a highly sophisticated and personalized disease. What worked for me, may not work for you, what happened to me, will probably not happen to you. The only people capable of correctly treating you are your doctors. I have no idea how to cure CANcer. But I'm in good company here, because nobody does.

WE ARE ALL HERE TO HELP!!!!! 

Welcome to Our Blog

Hello all and welcome to my diagnosis blog, in this blog you will get the raw and real deal of my diagnosis. You will never hear me say I have anything, but you will hear me say I have been diagnosed. We are not speaking or giving life to any disease. Take a seat and let's go on this journey together.

 Make yourself a nice cup of tea, take a seat on your favorite chair, and let me guide you through my journey with CANcer. There will be plenty of malignant tumors, thousands of mean cancerous cells and gallons of poison, expertly named chemotherapy, flowing through my veins and the pages of this blog.

I know it's all so exciting you can barley stand still! And just to be on the safe side, grab a tissue box, and keep it Ready. This is not going to be fun, but NO diagnosis is fun.

Before we dive right into my Diagnosis Diaries, lets take a few moments and get to know each better. I consider myself the most fortunate person from here to Timbuktu, and you know what? I might just be, don't take my word for it we will ponder over the facts a little later.

Buckle up and lets roll!!